{"id":2501,"date":"2022-03-03T00:40:22","date_gmt":"2022-03-03T00:40:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/?p=2501"},"modified":"2025-05-06T06:43:15","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T06:43:15","slug":"victimrescuer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/victimrescuer\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You a Victim or an Enabler in Your Relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever seen Wind in the Willows?<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s a story about a group of animal-friends: Toad, Ratty, Mole and Badger who live in an English wood.<\/p>\n<p>Toad is wealthy and spoiled and lives in a grand mansion called Toad Hall.<\/p>\n<p>His friends are more down-to-earth and spend a lot of their time and resources<em> saving<\/em> Toad&#8230; from himself.<\/p>\n<p>Toad&#8217;s latest whim is to buy an expensive car (which he absent mindedly crashes) and ends up being taken prisoner, in his own mansion, by a band of nasty Weasels.<\/p>\n<p>So&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Do Ratty, Mole and Badger put their own lives at risk once again to rescue Toad?<\/p>\n<p>Or do they take a step back, realise they&#8217;re <strong>actually part of the problem<\/strong> and leave Toad to find a solution for himself?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rebeccasfreegift.com\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2290\" src=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"584\" height=\"117\" srcset=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png 1024w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-300x60.png 300w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-768x154.png 768w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-600x120.png 600w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1.png 1500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 584px) 100vw, 584px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: 18.72px;\">Do You Like to Rescue People In Your Relationships?<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 16px;\">A lot of women in Ratty and Mole&#8217;s situation would instinctively want to rescue Toad (again).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;It&#8217;s not his fault he&#8217;s naive&#8230;&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;It&#8217;s not his fault the Weasels are baddies&#8230;&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;It&#8217;s not his fault he gets himself into these scrapes&#8230;&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>However&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>A coach (like me) would<em><strong> not<\/strong><\/em> rescue Toad.<\/p>\n<p>A coach (like me) would help him see instead how he is <strong>contributing to his own problems<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>A coach (like me) would give him the tools to <strong>make better decisions<\/strong> for himself next time&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>So that his actions didn&#8217;t <em>continuously drain the energy, resources and trust of his friends<\/em>.<\/p>\n<h3><\/h3>\n<h3>Victims and Rescuers<\/h3>\n<p>At work and at play&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>There are always&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Self-inflicted <em>Victims<\/em> (Toad)&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And <em>Rescuers<\/em> (Ratty, Mole and Badger).<\/p>\n<p>The Victims are irresponsible and selfish (whether they know it or not).<\/p>\n<p>The Rescuers have good intentions &#8211; and they feel that by taking action, they&#8217;re<em> helping<\/em> the Victims&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>When in fact&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Their constant intervention just encourages the bad behaviour in the Victims and stops the Victims from ever learning from their experiences and taking responsibility for themselves.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rebeccasfreegift.com\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2290\" src=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"584\" height=\"117\" srcset=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png 1024w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-300x60.png 300w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-768x154.png 768w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-600x120.png 600w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1.png 1500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 584px) 100vw, 584px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3>How to Change Victim-Rescuer Behavioural Patterns<\/h3>\n<p>People stay firmly stuck in Victim-Rescue patterns all day long&#8230; sometimes for years&#8230; sometimes for a lifetime.<\/p>\n<p>So I wanted to ask you&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Which relationships are draining <em>you<\/em> right now?<\/p>\n<p>Which people in your life constantly ask for your help without ever changing the very behaviour that keeps you both firmly stuck in that pattern?<\/p>\n<p>Or perhaps, are <em>you<\/em> playing the role of the Victim right now and draining someone else?<\/p>\n<p>Let me share a secret&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Whichever role you&#8217;re identifying with right now&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It is 100% in your power&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><em>Right now&#8230;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>To change that behaviour.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rebeccasfreegift.com\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2290\" src=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"584\" height=\"117\" srcset=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png 1024w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-300x60.png 300w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-768x154.png 768w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-600x120.png 600w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1.png 1500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 584px) 100vw, 584px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<h3><\/h3>\n<h3>Are You Playing &#8216;Victim&#8217;?<\/h3>\n<p>If you see yourself playing the Victim role with someone&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Choose right now to take personal responsibility&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Reflect on how your behaviour is damaging your relationship with them&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And how it is massively damaging you too.<\/p>\n<p>Because playing Victim doesn&#8217;t really feel good &#8211; it eventually eats at your self-esteem which is never a positive place to be.<\/p>\n<p>What new action could you take right now to do things differently?<\/p>\n<p>Taking personal responsibility will change the pattern in a good way for you.<\/p>\n<h3><\/h3>\n<h3>Are You Playing &#8216;Rescuer&#8217;?<\/h3>\n<p>And&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>If you see yourself as a Rescuer type&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Choose right now to stop enabling that behaviour, however hard that might feel&#8230; and be.<\/p>\n<p>Give them the opportunity to solve their challenge for themselves&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And see how the pattern changes.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Rebecca Allen is a Career Success Coach for corporate women. Sometimes in our coaching conversations, we talk about personal issues like these. You might have a difficult relationship at work. Or a difficult relationship to manage in your personal life. Either way, take charge and adjust your behaviours. \ud83d\ude42 And if you want help to do this, <a href=\"https:\/\/go.oncehub.com\/IntroCareerStrategyCall?utm_source=blog\">book in a free 15-minute call with Rebecca<\/a> &#8211; and break this pattern.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rebeccasfreegift.com\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2290\" src=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"584\" height=\"117\" srcset=\"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-1024x205.png 1024w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-300x60.png 300w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-768x154.png 768w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1-600x120.png 600w, https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/PPRS-Buttons-1.png 1500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 584px) 100vw, 584px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever seen Wind in the Willows? It&#8217;s a story about a group of animal-friends: Toad, Ratty, Mole and Badger who live in an English wood. Toad is wealthy and spoiled and lives in a grand mansion called Toad Hall. His friends are more down-to-earth and spend a lot of their time and resources&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5432,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[69,64,127,101],"tags":[59,135],"post_series":[],"class_list":["post-2501","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-difficult-people","category-managing-others","category-managing-work-relationships","category-self-worth","tag-confidence","tag-managing-difficult-people","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Are You a Victim or an Enabler in Your Relationships? - Rebecca Allen Career Coach for Women<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You may have a relationship that is a touch toxic. 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