{"id":338,"date":"2019-10-15T09:23:10","date_gmt":"2019-10-15T09:23:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/?p=338"},"modified":"2025-05-06T07:33:20","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T07:33:20","slug":"how-to-find-your-authentic-self","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/how-to-find-your-authentic-self\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Find Your Authentic Self"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lots of people Google \u2018what\u2019s the definition of authenticity\u2019 but what does it really mean to be authentic<\/em> or to be your authentic self<\/em>?<\/p>\n

To understand that let\u2019s first explore what it means to be inauthentic<\/em>.<\/p>\n

To protect yourself from pain you will put up barriers and \u2018wear\u2019 masks, creating a false concept of who you are.<\/p>\n

Many clients share this idea during sessions, that they feel inauthentic at work because they can\u2019t ever really be themselves.<\/p>\n

Corporate cultures, expectations and self-preservation all play a part in this phenomenon.<\/p>\n

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Inauthenticity however is tiring because it\u2019s hard maintaining a fa\u00e7ade that in your heart, you know is not a true reflection of you, your thoughts or opinions.<\/p>\n

It is also hard to thrive when you are behaving inauthentically because you aren\u2019t giving yourself permission to unleash your natural style or to present what you are truly capable of.<\/p>\n

\u2018Authenticity\u2019 then, is about being deeply honest with yourself. Being sincere about who you are and what you most need to thrive.<\/p>\n

So let\u2019s look at 3 questions to start to unravel your authentic self:<\/p>\n

Question 1. Who do you want to BE? <\/strong><\/p>\n

How do you currently perceive yourself? Does it feel good? Do you want to be this person or do you want to be someone a little bit \u2013 or a lot – different?<\/p>\n

Your self-concept (how you see yourself) has been shaped by various influences in your life: your parents, your siblings, teachers, peers. Big changes or events in your life will also have shaped you. As a result, you have formed values and beliefs about the world and how you see yourself in it.<\/p>\n

Take your working life. Do you feel authentic there? How could you BE different? What about at home? Are you yourself? Are you feeling authentic and real? Are you true to yourself and feeling content? Or do certain behaviours feel inauthentic to you?<\/p>\n

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Question 2: What do you most NEED?<\/strong><\/p>\n

You might be surprised to learn that there are some deep-seated emotions that prevent you from being your authentic self. Those emotions are guilt, shame and self-judgment. These feelings actually prevent you from having what you most need<\/em> to be authentic and thrive.<\/p>\n

Say you most need to have ‘attention’ from others and yet, due to shame and guilt (and a fear of being judged) you don\u2019t actually seek it out. So for example, you don\u2019t ask your partner to give you more of their time or ask for them to make you feel special even though you are craving it. By preventing yourself what you most need<\/em>, you\u2019ll feel sad, frustrated and poorly expressed.<\/p>\n

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Or say what you most need<\/em> is a sense of ‘belonging’. You don\u2019t live near your origin family and miss them dreadfully and yet guilt keeps you from visiting them. Again by preventing yourself what you most need<\/em>, you\u2019ll feel unhappy.<\/p>\n

What you most need<\/em> boils down to understanding your \u2018highest priority values\u2019. They are deep down in your subconscious brain and you\u2019ll rarely voice them. So often, due to shame, guilt and judgment, people repress what they most<\/em> need.<\/p>\n

When these needs are met you will feel much more yourself. You\u2019ll feel authentic, happy, alive. When they are not met, you might feel frustrated, angry, low or even lacking love.<\/p>\n

So, what do you<\/em> most need to feel alive? To thrive? Suspend those feelings of shame, guilt and judgment and just be wholly honest with yourself. What do you most need? Once you uncover these deep values, you\u2019ll uncover gold.<\/p>\n

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Question 3: What are your RULES? <\/strong><\/p>\n

The third step of our authenticity sequence centres around you forming some rules, or boundaries.<\/p>\n

So let\u2019s recap the two earlier questions we have already explored in the sequence and add in this third one. To be more authentic, ask:<\/p>\n

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  1. Who do I want to BE?<\/li>\n
  2. What do I most NEED?<\/li>\n
  3. What rules do I need in place to help me obtain 1 and 2?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Rules (or boundaries if you prefer) are about defining what is and is not permissible. What is and what is not allowed. Rules help you to uphold what you value and stop it from being compromised. Rules come in two forms:<\/p>\n