{"id":344,"date":"2019-10-15T10:01:14","date_gmt":"2019-10-15T10:01:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/?p=344"},"modified":"2025-05-06T07:33:45","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T07:33:45","slug":"theres-no-need-to-say-im-a-terrible-mum-ever-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/illuminategrowth.com.au\/staging\/theres-no-need-to-say-im-a-terrible-mum-ever-again\/","title":{"rendered":"There\u2019s No Need to Say \u201cI\u2019m a Terrible Mum\u201d Ever Again!"},"content":{"rendered":"
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Many working mums struggle daily with a basic ‘values conflict’ that leaves them feeling confused, unsure and laden with guilt. Value 1 might be \u2018children\u2019 and Value 2 might be ‘career’. When you have an internal conflict of values, it means you want both values to be met and as equally<\/em> as possible. Both <\/em>values are important to you and you want the outcome of both<\/em> to be brilliant. But no matter how hard you try one always seems to get the priority seat, usually at the expense of the other.<\/p>\n

This values conflict could go different ways of course depending on your own personal values and how you prioritise them. Here are three common ones I have coached different clients on:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Work could be taking priority and you feel like the family is coming off second best.<\/li>\n
  2. Or it could be that the balance is occurring the other way and your busy life as a mum<\/em> is making it hard to deliver the professional<\/em> value you want to. This is probably less about ‘guilt’ and more about ‘frustration’ but it is still a values conflict.<\/li>\n
  3. Or it could be that you thoroughly enjoy working and don\u2019t have an actual values conflict at all, but you think<\/em> that ‘society’ – or your partner or whomever – expects you<\/em> to feel guilty for pursuing your career. In this instance it could be you feel guilty because\u2026 you don\u2019t<\/strong> feel guilty about choosing career first.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I\u2019ve seen all three of these scenarios occurring for different clients and the important thing to note is this: whatever your values (and their priority order), is what it is<\/em>. As you\u2019ll find out later, those feelings of shame and guilt have no place anywhere if you want to progress and continue living and working at your fullest expression. If those familiar feelings popped up for you at all whilst you were listening to those three values conflicts, it means shame or guilt are lurking there for you. I will be sharing later how to rid yourself of those unhelpful, unprogressive feelings!<\/p>\n

    This insight is one I hear a lot from different working mums:
    \n“I don\u2019t seem to do anything well. I try my best to race home to see the children before bedtime and then by some miracle, when I do manage it, I\u2019ll do or say something wrong. Then it\u2019s all tears at home and I\u2019ve failed yet again.” <\/em>\u2013 Sally, 38, mum working in Insurance.<\/p>\n

    Demanding work schedules can see you sent overseas; stuck on evening phone calls; working long hours or weekends or\u2026 all of the above! Given that the price of living, childcare and school fees have all skyrocketed it is inevitable that many more couples are both choosing to work to maintain their chosen lifestyle. And it\u2019s not just for financial reasons of course: many women want to have fulfilling careers too.<\/p>\n

    However, the erroneous assumption that many working mums often make goes something like this:<\/p>\n

    ‘Working hard’ = Being a ‘bad’ mum<\/strong>
    \nIt\u2019s almost like doing a sum where 3 + 3 = 16 and repeatedly telling yourself that the sum is right. The assumption is what causes the damage, the self-blame and the belief that others might be judging you too.<\/p>\n

    EXERCISE<\/strong>
    \nYour ‘work’ and your ‘children’ are two values in conflict. One will always be the priority. The key is getting to a point where you don\u2019t feel guilty or shame about whichever order they are in.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Be honest about the priority \u2013 which one is first for you?<\/li>\n
    2. How do you feel about this priority? Remember, if you\u2019re feeling uncomfortable with your order, it is only ‘shame’ or ‘guilt’ telling you it\u2019s not ok. Doing some work to reconcile what you want to achieve with these conflicted values will be your next step.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      You can download a podcast to explore this topic further here. (link to Lead Magnet subscribe) or join us at our next free workshop, “Be Yourself, Build Self-Belief and Be Better at Self-Kindness”<\/em>.
      \n\u00a9 Rebecca Allen 2019, Illuminate Personal Growth. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n

      Should you want to reprint or reuse our articles (or any part of an article) for any purpose, you must obtain permission to do so. Please get in touch with us for further information.<\/p>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Many working mums struggle daily with a basic ‘values conflict’ that leaves them feeling confused, unsure and laden with guilt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5487,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[21,17],"post_series":[],"class_list":["post-344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general","tag-self-criticism","tag-working-mums","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\nThere\u2019s No Need to Say \u201cI\u2019m a Terrible Mum\u201d Ever Again! - Rebecca Allen Career Coach for Women<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"There\u2019s No Need to Say \u201cI\u2019m a 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