3 Steps to Build Rock Solid Self-Worth

Happy Valentine’s Day! On a day when the norm is to focus our energies on telling others how much we value and appreciate them…

I thought it would be far more interesting to look instead at how you can love yourself more deeply.

(And…. if you prefer to listen into this content you can tune into this episode instead on my podcast, Her Ambitious Career).

So I see you prefer reading to listening to podcasts… so let’s get into it.

Here’s the thing…

Some people feel that talking about self-worth is taboo…

That you shouldn’t discuss your perceived vulnerabilities openly with other people…

That to feel and admit to being anything other than 100% confident and sure of yourself – makes you a failure.

Well…

I’m here today to argue otherwise. 🙂

 

 

Why is Self-Worth So Important?

Working on your sense of worth is as important as eating healthily, exercising regularly and well, let’s be honest, breathing oxygen too.

Self-worth is essentially how you view yourself…

And presents itself in how you talk about yourself (both in your own mind and to other people).

What’s interesting…

Is that you do this largely unconsciously…

Which means you aren’t necessarily aware of how you think about and talk about yourself and your abilities.

Which is why…

You must invest the time and energy needed to listen in to how you are talking about yourself – just as you would invest into a healthy eating plan or exercise plan to lose weight, tone up and feel clearer and stronger.

 

 

A Lesson of Triumphs Over Tragedies Cavities

Think of it like visiting the dentist.

Most of us pay a regular trip to the dentist to stay on top of our oral hygiene, right?

Because if you don’t, you passively ignore the health of your teeth and gums…

Oblivious to the plaque building up, the potential cavities forming and the long term damage you’re doing to your mouth.

However…

By regularly brushing your teeth and visiting a dentist twice a year, you are mindfully taking care of your teeth…

And being proactive about maintaining positive dental health.

It’s that word PROACTIVE that’s so important here.

You are proactive about looking after your teeth and gums.

You are mindful.

You are investing time and energy to maintain healthy teeth and gums (and therefore avoiding the pain of fillings and deep canal work… the inevitable result of passive neglect).

 

Why Building Self-Worth Must Be Your #1 Strategy in 2022

Neglecting yourself and your self-worth is as detrimental as neglecting your teeth and gums.

Because passively ignoring how you’re talking about yourself not only stunts your immediate opportunities…

It will also limit you forever.

Let’s play a game. 🙂

Are you in?

Okay… so…

I bet there’s a negative belief that you’ve been running about yourself for years.

(Possibly your entire life-time).

I want to invite you to tap into that belief right now and identify exactly what the sentence is that you ‘run’ in your head.

Maybe it sounds something like this:

“I’ll never be good enough.”

“I’m not pretty (or thin) enough.”

“I’m not successful enough.”

“I don’t feel like I add any real value.”

“Success happens to everyone else but me.”

“When I’m better qualified, then I’ll be ready.”

Now…

Ask yourself:

Over the timeframe I’ve been running that belief, how many hours have I spent ruminating on that belief?

How many hours have I wasted giving that belief additional energy and space in my head?

How many hours have I chewed the ear off someone else, sharing that negative belief with them and wallowing in my feelings of hopelessness?

(I’m a bit direct sometimes).

Now let me ask you another question:

How many hours have you spent trying to solve that problem?

The likelihood is you’ve wasted a lot more time – hours, days, maybe years – wallowing in that problem…

Rather than working on yourself so that you can solve that challenge and move on with your life and career.

Am I right?

Hopefully you’re laughing at yourself right now at how ridiculous this actually is.

And maybe even feeling a little sadness in your heart too, that you have sabotaged yourself this long?

 

 

How is Negative Self-Worth Sabotaging You?

It’s time to get proactive about listening in to how you’re talking to yourself …

And investing in your mental well-being…

Because the costs of not doing that are just too great.

Would you agree?

Maybe your questionable self-worth has consistently held you back from going for the best jobs?

Maybe you’ve allowed other people to walk over you and break your boundaries?

Perhaps you aren’t perceived how you want to be?

Perhaps you don’t perceive yourself as you’d like to?

It could be that you have increased stress or anxiety as a result of doubting yourself and your potential?

Those costs are just too great…would you agree?

And I’m hoping that you’re ready right now to start challenging this damaging pattern…

And becoming much better at building your sense of worth.

Because I don’t want you to live your life (and career) missing out on opportunities, more $$$$…

Or suffering an emotional toll…such as anxiety or sleepless nights…

Just because you didn’t have the tools to build your sense of positive self-worth.

 

What is Positive Self-Worth?

Positive self-worth is energising, full of possibility and self assurance.

With positive self-worth life is easier, more stable and there is greater opportunity (because you’re seeing it and believing that you deserve it).

Negative self-worth on the other hand is draining and exhausting…

Because you’re constantly self-questioning and that repetitive, unproductive spiraling creates crippling doubt and fear in you.

I hope you’re ready right now to start focusing on solving this challenge…

Which begins with becoming far more consciously aware of how, when and why you’re self sabotaging and speaking so negatively about yourself.

3 Steps to Build Rock Solid Self-Worth

So let’s get into it!

Step # 1 is about becoming proactive…

About actively listening in to that negative self talk rather, than passively allowing it to fester.

This step is about interrupting that self-talk before its resultant negative behaviours kick in.

Let me explain.

Say you have a thought about yourself…

Let’s go with: “I’ll never be good enough”

Think about the potential behaviours that will result from that starting thought.

You might shy away from going on dates…

Or say “No” to social occasions you’re invited to, believing you have nothing of value to add or aren’t good enough anyway.

You might stay in the same mediocre job, believing you aren’t good enough to be promoted so you never ask for one.

You might constantly apologise to others.

You might call yourself a ‘failure’…

The list of potential negative behaviours goes on.

But beliefs and behaviours are intrinsically connected:

What you say to yourself (believe) will be reflected in how you respond (your behaviours)…

Negative beliefs will result in negative behaviours…

And positive beliefs (you guessed it) will result in positive behaviours.

So you want to notice when you make that negative comment about yourself and interrupt it…

Question it, challenge it…

 

 

Which brings me to Step # 2…

Once you’ve identified a negative belief…

You need to challenge it.

 

How to Challenge a Negative Belief

Take the belief and write it down.

Now, ask yourself:

How true is this belief, ‘I’m never good enough’?

If you can find even one example where you are good enough…

Then the belief can’t possibly be true.

Just like that…

You can refute a negative belief you might have held for your entire lifetime.

Cool right?

Here’s another way to do this…

Ask:

In which situations do I feel this belief is true and in which situations is it not true?

You might find examples that fit into both brackets…

Sure, you might find some examples where the belief still stands…

But…

By finding examples contrary to the belief (even if it’s just one)…

Where you do a great job or you matter deeply to others, or you make a positive difference…

Then you’re successfully poking at the logic of the original belief “I’ll never be good enough” because you have solid evidence to the contrary.

 

 

Why Self-Validation Matters

So in Step #3, I want you to start getting totally and utterly ferocious about validating (that means acknowledging) where and how you already make a phenomenal difference…

Because you do.

Negative self-worth is a focus on what you believe you are lacking…

In other words, it’s about obsessing about what you think you don’t have (whether that is skill or how you look or the impact you’re making)…

If you struggle to self-validate…

You might find it hard to recognise the value you’re adding..

You might rely heavily on external feedback – from your boss or your clients – to know that you’re doing a great job…

However…

The more you recognise all the positives about your work, your contribution and the impact that has on others..

The easier it becomes to recognise your value and your worth for yourself…

And that is the beginning of a whole new world!

Believe me!

So it’s time…

To start being more proactive and noticing how you talk to yourself…

Challenging those negative beliefs…

And getting into the habit of self-validating.

And with that strategy you’ll start to see yourself as the tremendous asset that you actually already are!

Sending love! It is Valentine’s Day!

Rebecca x

 

Rebecca Allen is a Career Success Coach for ambitious women working in corporate roles who want more from their lives and careers. Maybe you want to get promoted or negotiate a financial package that truly reflects the value you’re adding? Perhaps you are fed up with feeling overlooked and missing out on the best opportunities? If any of that resonates with you, give Rebecca a call and arrange a free no-obligation 15-minute Career Strategy Call to discuss your career challenges and the first strategies to turn this round.