3 Ways to be More Self-Kind to Build Rock Solid Self-Worth

There is nothing ‘fluffy’ about self-kindness…

Self-kindness is a necessity…

Even more so if you’re a high-achiever who expects great results (from yourself and others).

I’m about to share 3 ways to be more self-kind so you can build greater self-worth…

And if you’d prefer to listen to this on audio, you can: just tune into this episode on my podcast – Her Ambitious Career – right here.

So…

I’d love to share 3 client case studies with you and see if any (or all!) resonates with you.

In all 3 situations, the women are struggling with self-kindness and are really, really good at self-criticism.

Let’s jump in:

Case study 1

So Susan… she makes mistakes and blames herself for them. She ruminates (a lot) about these mistakes throughout the day and night… she’s losing a lot of sleep. Susan has a tendency to imagine all the worst case scenarios she can think of and chastises herself constantly. Susan just doesn’t feel ‘good enough’.

Case study 2

Luella is keen to work her way up the ladder but feels invisible. She’s working really hard but not getting the recognition she wants. There are a tonne of activities she feels she ought to do and should do to get where she wants to be… but isn’t doing any of it – so she chastises herself all the time and just doesn’t feel ‘good enough’.

Case Study 3

Versha has a tendency to  scold her own work – she’s her own fiercest critic. She wastes a lot of time poking holes in her work and as a result… she ever feels ‘good enough’.

What is Strong Self-Worth?

When you have a strong sense of worth, you find it much easier to bypass the need for self-criticism… self-flagellation… self-blame…

And focus instead on more positive behaviours.

I’d love to share 3 of these behaviours with you right now…

Because they might just create the turning point you need right now to become more self-kind (and build your sense of worth in the process)!

And once you do that… literally everything changes for the better in your life and career.

 

Tip#1: Build Self-Worth by Forgiving Yourself

Just like Elsa said (at the top of her lungs) it might just be time to, ‘Let it go!’

That means letting go of the negative emotions you have attached to the scenario you find yourself in.

Just like Susan in our case study above, the key is for you to get really rational:

a) Instead of self-blaming, ask ‘What external factors have contributed – or caused – the situation I’m in?’

b) If you were at fault in any way, instead of self-blaming, ask ‘What do I choose to learn from this lesson?’

Forgiving yourself is a big first step to moving forwards and building self-trust…

And asking these questions is a great starting point to getting you there.

 

 

Tip#2: Build Self-Worth by Using Non-Reactive Language

It’s interesting:

When you feel pressured by external factors to succeed, you may use words like, ‘I ought to…’, ‘I should…’ ‘I must…’, ‘I’m expected to…’

These are all examples of reactive language.

And if you use reactive language it’s a sign that you aren’t fully committed to the task.

Perhaps this is because you feel overwhelmed by the task…

Or feel like someone else (a boss perhaps)… or an intangible such as ‘society’… expects something of you that you aren’t comfortable with.

The key is to look at the situation you ‘ought’ to be performing better in…

And change the sentence to reflect accurately what you are comfortable achieving.

Take Luella in our example above.

She feels like she ‘ought‘ to be networking and building her profile at work.

For whatever reason…

(Maybe this task seems to hard or too overwhelming to her…)

She isn’t taking the action needed to perform this task.

So why not focus instead on what she is comfortable achieving and doing that?

For example…

In the case of networking, she could focus her attention on one single person she wants to build her profile with – someone who could directly impact her career in a positive way.

Suddenly that sounds like something she ‘wants‘ to do, ‘would like’ to do or even ‘love’ to do…

Because it feels manageable and meaningful.

Her language has shifted from ‘ought’ to ‘will’ and her results will be more positive as a result.

 

 

Tip#3: Build Self-Worth by Focusing on What You Do Well

It’s easy to chastise, like in all of my case studies above…

Easier still is becoming your own best cheerleader if you give yourself enough practice at it!

Focusing on where you are strong, where you are making a difference, where you are making an impact, where you are adding value…

Will start changing not only how you view your work…

But how you view yourself too.

And that is life-changing!

One of our career-coaching programs, The Career Accelerator Game Plan, has a whole module dedicated to building your sense of worth.

It’s called the Self-Worth Spotlight and I believe that building esteem is one of the most important aspects of your professional development.

With a stronger sense of self-worth everything shifts for the better and I so want to help you fast track your career success.

As a first step, why not download The 7 Habits of Female Execs Who Get Promoted, a tool that will definitely help fast track your success!

Rebecca x

 

Rebecca Allen is a Career Success Coach for women in corporate who are ambitious for more from both lives and careers. Over the last 13 years she has helped hundreds of women achieve promotions faster, negotiate pay rises harder and build tremendous self-confidence during their journey.