VIDEO: 5 Truths to Define What ‘Success’ Means to YOU

 [Watch the video lesson above or read if you prefer] 🙂

Success, esteem and confidence are all part of the same ecosystem.

Healthy esteem builds confidence… and confidence helps you create more of the successes that you want in life.

But what is ‘success’? What does it mean?

Truth 1:  It’s up to you to define ‘success’ for yourself

We live in a really pressurised era and I think we would all agree, women have a particularly difficult time of it.

Women are constantly living with a pressure to conform to a stereotype of what ‘success’ (apparently) looks like…

Whether it’s about the kind of career you’re having, the kind of mother you are, how well behaved your children turn out, how you look, the lifestyle you lead… the list goes on and on…

I don’t know about you, but I’m over it.

I’m really fed up seeing magazine headlines about weight loss and fillers and make up tips and diets whilst seeing endless glamorous title photoshoots of celebs who look 20 years younger than they really are (which is apparently to be idolised and celebrated).

I’m here to say this, as you search to define what success means to you: you don’t have to conform to any vision of success that doesn’t actually suit you.

You get to choose.

The media constantly preys on women’s esteem, telling us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not young enough, not wrinkle-free enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough…not enough… not enough…

Well, ENOUGH of the not-enough already!

It’s time to define what success (and more importantly, happiness) mean to YOU.

And it’s actually really, really simple…

‘Success’ comes when your values are being met and when the biggest ones aren’t compromised (by you, or anyone else).

That. Is. It.

If your values – your highest priorities – are being met, then you’re already well on your way to a positive track of ‘success’.

Truth 2: Comparison is a killer

Look at celebrity culture. You always see the end product: glitzy, groomed, manicured, well styled people who look a million dollars.

What we forget, as we watch the red carpet fanfare, are the back stories of these people.

Being human beings and all, celebrities have often had hard times, setbacks and hardship.

But all we see if this polished exterior and a glitzy ‘end product’.

And because of the razzmatazz we assume subconsciously that these celebs must always be polished, must always be successful and must always feel happy… when in truth, that can’t possibly be true because they are humans just like us, having a very human, very imperfect experience.

Take J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series (amongst other books).

What we forget when we see her in her ballgowns and her $1bn net worth success, is that she started off as a single mum on benefits, furiously writing her Harry Potter manuscripts in coffee shops around London and sending them off to endless publishers only to be rejected before the 13th one actually published her books.

Success didn’t happen for her overnight. She worked really hard, having plenty of setbacks along the way.

What can we learn? That comparing ourselves to others is not just exhausting, it’s really, really pointless.

Truth 3: Success is never linear

When you imagine what success might look like, you may picture a sort of straight line that just goes up and up.

I don’t know about you but every project I have ever worked on: putting shelves up, parenting, baking cakes, chairing meetings, running 6-month projects, managing committees, learning Mandarin, parenting (again), moving countries… the journey has never been a straight upwards curve towards victory.

There have always been set backs, mistakes and learnings.

Success has never just ‘happened’.

Stuff will always happen to slow you down, make you re-think or even u-turn. You’ll meet difficult people who block your progress and have to stop patiently to solve tricky problems.

Step by step, you make progress…. but progress isn’t what people crave. They want total success… and they want it NOW!

Because apparently success happens overnight.

But it doesn’t. That’s not life. That’s not reality.

Women famously “multi-task”… which just means we have a lot on our plate, let’s be honest.

Here are just some of the roles we take on:

• Primary care giver (for our children, parents or other loved ones)
• Social organiser (do you manage the social diary for a family of 4 too?)
• School admin (there’s so … so… much school admin)
• Careerist (oh yes, I am also looking at building a thriving career)
• Housekeeper (most chores still land on our laps)
• Support and connector (to friends and family who need us)
• Grocery shopper (endless… but at least there’s online delivery) 😉

Of course all of this is a choice.

We can choose to take on as many tasks as we like. We can seek help. We can delegate.

But what I think a lot of us women try to do is MASTER all of these activities all at the same time.

Am I right?

Interestingly, the definition of “mastering any skill” is putting your heart, mind, soul and body into it…

So if you’re one of those women who tries to take on everything all at once (and expect to excel)… let me ask you this: how can you possibly thrive, at 100% capacity across ALL of those responsibilities, simultaneously?

The short answer is, you can’t.

To be successful…. you need to define what ‘success’ means for you at any one time in your life.

Your definition needs to adapt to your changing life and career circumstances… otherwise you will burn out. Or catch on fire. Whichever one comes first.

Truth 5: To be successful you need firm boundaries 

Now this one isn’t in the video lesson… I thought I’d throw it in for free… because it’s important and anyway, I thought of it after the recording was done…

To accomplish success and happiness – because we want both after all – it’s really, really important to have some boundaries in place.

That DOES mean saying ‘no’ to some things.

And delegating tasks out (refer back to Truth 4).

It means putting yourself first at times and training people how you want them to treat you.

So let’s summarise all of that (incase you skipped to the end):

1. ‘Success’ is living your life and career in alignment with your values.

2. Judge yourself only on your OWN definition of success and stay in your own ‘lane’.

3. Regularly acknowledge and celebrate every little thing and action that makes you awesome.

4. Remind yourself that you’re always doing the best you can with what you have.

5. Set and communicate your boundaries to keep you on track… and to keep you sane. 😉

What are your strategies to define your own success?

Rebecca x