7 Tricks to Manage Difficult People

Difficult people are all around us. They’re managers, C-level execs, clients, investors, suppliers, people you manage… and unfortunately you can sometimes also find them at home.

At the height of their power these people are critical, irritable, reactive, hostile, defensive and insensitive to the feelings of those they trample over.

After years of personal experience, and working with clients to overcome their own challenges, I thought it would be useful to compile a list of tricks to help you overcome even the most difficult of people.

Trick #1: Predict the emotional trap they are setting you up to fall into

All too often difficult people get a kick out of seeing you respond in a particular way.

It’s a control thing, right? If you can predict how they want you to respond, you can stop the negative spiral before it even begins.

Trick #2: Decide whether or not your difficult person is trying to provoke you

This is all a matter of intention. Perhaps they are trying to get a rise out of you and perhaps they are not. Some people aren’t consciously aware they are being difficult. You can choose to respond differently if you realise their intention isn’t malicious.

Trick #3: Consider what triggers you and… what triggers them

Take some time out to reflect on past meetings with this person. Ask yourself what it is about them that triggers you. You can also try and work out what triggers them to behave as they do. This is often illuminating!

Trick #4: Confront them in private

Publicly berating your difficult person can make matters a whole lot worse. If they have a deep need to appear ‘superior’ (more clever than anyone else) for example, a public confrontation will only fuel their desire to stay on top and push them to behave 10 times worse.

Trick #5: Leverage their WIIFM mentality

Aggressive difficult people are entirely self absorbed. This means all they really care about in any situation is, “What’s in it for me?” You could leverage this way of thinking by making it clear how they will benefit (whilst making sure it’s still a win-win for you too).

Trick #6: Refer to their behaviours because these can be changed

When you do decide to have your private meeting to discuss the issue, focus completely on explaining 1-2 of their specific behaviours that are causing the problem. If they tend to blame everyone else don’t be surprised if this makes little to no difference, but at least this feedback gives them something constructive to work on and even change if they think it necessary.

Trick #7: Keep it logical, keep it short

Sticking to the facts (rather than sharing how you feel) and being succinct will give you the most control over yourself and the situation. It’s all about keeping things calm and rational so you don’t fan the flames further.

What are your tips to manage difficult people?

Rebecca Allen, Chief Illumination Officer of Illuminate Personal Growth, works with professional women to help them take their careers to the next level. If you are feeling underwhelmed by your lack of career progress, looking for support and encouragement and keen to learn new skills to improve your prospects, then you’re in the right place. We provide online career courses, courses for women, live workshops and leadership trainings in Sydney as well as 1-1 executive coaching. Get in touch!

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