The 3 Mindset Patterns That Cull Women’s Success & Joy

There are 3 really damaging mindset patterns that come up ALOT in coaching sessions with clients.

These women might be new managers, senior managers or C-level execs… it doesn’t make any difference… I still hear them popping up….all…the…time.

Here they are:

1. “When I…. then I….”
2. “I’m not…. enough.”
3. “I’m just… I’m only…”

I’m guessing you’ve heard those before, am I right?

Let’s explore each in more depth, as well as some strategies to help you actually notice when you say them (always your first step) before you wallop them between the eyeballs and kick them into touch!

 

Mindset Pattern 1: “When I… then I’ll….”

If you have ever said something like this…

• “When I have my Masters, then I’ll feel credible.”
• “When I have the house by the beach and the open plan kitchen, then I’ll be happy.”
• “When I nail this project, then I’ll ask for that that promotion.”

… then you’re following what I call a potential happiness-current misery pattern.

Sounds depressing right? Because it is!

The idea is that only in the future will you be happy, successful, fulfilled – it can never be now. Which sadly means you are never (ever) feeling successful or fulfilled.

And a lot of women talk to me about “not feeling like a success”. I hear it a lot and it comes out of research time and time again.

Do you hear yourself saying this one? It sucks right?

 

How to change it:

Instead of being stuck in the future, look at how you are already credible, how you are already successful, are already happy and use that awareness to take action right now.

Do a brainstorm – now! – and find your answers with this brainstorm.

 

Mindset Pattern 2:   “I’m not … enough.”

If you have ever said something like this…

• “I am not smart enough”.
• “I am not experienced enough to go for that new role.”
• “S/he is so much better than me at…”

… then you’re running a comparison pattern.

Oh yes! I can hear you tutting through the screen! Is this pattern one of yours?

This is where you look at all that you’ve got and arrive at the assumptive conclusion that it is “less than” what others have whether it be in brains, skills, experience, power or whatever measure you choose to berate yourself about. 🙂

Can you see how running patterns like this are stopping you from saying “YES PLEASE!” to potentially life – and career – changing opportunities?

Clearly you are setting yourself up to fail before you’ve even had your morning cornflakes if you’re running this pattern. Let’s be honest. 🙂

 

How to change it:

If the word “enough” is popping up, i.e. “I am not (smart) enough”… you have one option and one option alone: challenge it!

Ask, “Enough for what?” or “How (smart) do I actually need to be?” or “Thanks irritating, negative mental chatter for that feedback. Now, do you mind if I just get on with my life and start kicking some a**?”  🙂

 

Mindset Pattern 3:  “I’m just…. I’m (only) a… it was nothing”

If you have ever said something like this…

• “I am just a mum”.
• “I’m a terrible mum!”
• “I’m a dyslexic so…”
• “I just delivered an project that I’ve spent weeks on, endless nights on and it’s converted 127 new clients for our business… but it was nothing.”

… then you’re running a deletion process.

You’ve seen this, right?

When you practice this pattern (and maybe your practising has made you a total pro by now), you focus in on only one core aspect of your life and delete all the other value that you offer. This sort of pattern only belittles and undermines all that you are.

 

How to change it:

Listen out really intently to the language you use to define yourself.

It might be off the cuff sort of comments you make without realising… or statements that you are actually very aware you make.

Either way, start defining yourself in ways that no longer reduce you to a miniscule part of who you actually are… but celebrate the breadth, width and height of your entire being.

 

To progress in life and in your career – and more than that, to shine as your most fully expressed authentic self – it is crucial that you learn to ditch patterns that don’t serve you.

Spend a little time brainstorming how you’re currently cutting yourself short… and then take some action and do something about it!

 

Rebecca Allen, COI of Illuminate Personal Growth, works with professional women to help them take their careers to the next level. If you are feeling underwhelmed by your lack of career progress, looking for support and encouragement and keen to learn new skills to improve your confidence prospects, then you’re in the right place. We provide online career courses for women, live workshops and leadership trainings in Sydney as well as 1-1 executive coaching. Get in touch!

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