Overwhelmed, Frustrated, Isolated: Are You a Stressed Woman Leader?

Today I’d love to talk with you about stress…

Specifically, leadership stress…

Because leaders regularly encounter situations that can result in them feeling lost, isolated and overwhelmed…

Which inevitably impacts performance as well as confidence and even, esteem.

Over the last decade…

I have exclusively coached corporate women leaders and managers and have seen them come to me with a lot of recurring stress-related challenges.

Identifying the challenge you’re having is always your first step…

Which is why I thought it would be useful to provide this checklist so that you can define your own trigger point(s).

Have a look at this list I’ve compiled…

And decide if any of these common challenges are causing your own stress levels to rise:

1.     You feel judged or criticised

2.     You feel isolated or excluded

3.     You can see double-standards occurring e.g. peers or senior leaders failing to behave in accordance with organisational values

4.     You feel pressured to perform and deliver, sometimes in seemingly impossible circumstances

5.     Your performance is being judged solely on numbers / results, omitting other critical factors

6.     You feel misunderstood or unheard

7.     You are finding decision-making difficult

8.     You feel like the risks you’re taking are too great

9.     You’re regularly dealing with situations outside of your control, or sphere of influence

10.  You feel responsible for others’ careers and livelihoods

11.  You are having to manage difficult people

12.   You feel unsupported

13.  You are trying to meet impossible expectations – either of your own making or from other people

14.  People expect you to have all the answers

15.  There is not enough time to get everything done

16.  You are struggling to prioritise tasks

17.  You feel the world is not seeing the best of you

 

 

How Is Stress Created?

Now you are fully aware of your own challenges (feel free to add to the list above), I’d like you to consider this idea:

Stress is created when you attribute a particular meaning to your situation:

Example #1 “This workload is stressful.”

Example #2 “Bob’s behaviour makes me mad.”

Example #3 “I don’t have all the answers and it’s so overwhelming.”

A good way to start combatting feelings of stress is to learn how to dissociate yourself from the situation.

In all three examples above, you are allowing the situation to affect you…

You are personalising the situation…

And telling yourself that the situation is making you feel a particular way (e.g. stressed, mad, overwhelmed).

 

(To listen to me talk about combatting leadership stress in more depth, tune into my podcast, How to Dramatically Reduce Leadership Stress ep106)

 

 

So Let’s Take a Different Approach…

Let’s take a different approach…

And look at each situation more objectively:

With Example 1:

Instead of saying, “This workload is stressful”, ask yourself:

• How is the workload stressful (really)?
• How am I framing this situation to make it feel stressful?

 

The situation itself (the workload) isn’t stressful… it’s just a workload.

But how you are approaching the challenge is potentially what is creating that feeling of stress.

Have you ever looked at a colleague with a similar workload who doesn’t seem stressed? What are they doing differently to you?

 

I coach a lot of high-achieving women…

And the pressure they put on themselves is sometimes remarkable.

Does that resonate? 😉

And often the way they are framing their situation exacerbates their feeling of stress.

 

 

Let’s look at Example 2:

Instead of saying, “Bob’s behaviour makes me mad”, ask yourself:

• How does it benefit me, allowing Bob’s behaviour to affect me?
• How can I look at Bob’s behaviour more objectively?

 

And Example #3:

Instead of saying, “I don’t have all the answers and it’s so overwhelming.”

• Ask yourself, why am I making the connection between ‘not having all the answers’ = being overwhelming? How does that benefit me?
• How else could I frame that?
• Perhaps I could look at this this way: “I don’t have all the answers and that’s ok because this is a work in progress and we are all learning.”

 

 

We Create The Feeling of ‘Stress’

The overwhelm, the stress, the anxiety, the anger…

These are all feelings you are creating based on the meaning and framing you are applying to a situation.

A situation can be challenging.

It can have a myriad of problems attached to it…

But how you choose to perceive that situation is what prompts you to react either positively, with a step-by-step, objective solution-mindset switched on that leads to a feeling of control …

Or in a defeated, overwhelmed personalised mindset that can lead to a feeling of stress.

The problem or situation itself isn’t stressful; how you approach it (and allow it to impact you) can lead to those feelings of overwhelm or stress.

 

Further ideas…

You can review a challenge and ask yourself:

• What else could this be?
• How else could I approach this?
• What can I control / what is beyond my control?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas about this topic!

Drop your ideas below!

Rebecca x